Then and now
by GOTTAxHAVExFAITH
Summary: A moment at night when Arizona's past catches up on her. rated M  for mature content/mentioning of rape


**Disclamer: **unfortunelly I don't own any of the Grey's anatomy-characters, they are all shonda's awesome creations, and ABC is the network tht owns them.

**Genre:** definitly angst

**Rating:** M+ talk about rape

**Pairing:** Callie/Arizona, arizonacentered though

**Summary:** A moment at night when Arizona's past catches up on her

**Anyway this story contains thoughts about rape and though its not too graphic dont read if if u cant handle it (or are too young)**

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**Then and now**

The glaring, red letters of the bedside alarm clock tell her it's 2.56 AM when she finally gives up on the idea of sleep. Sighing heavily she climbs out of bed, quickly pulling on her previously discarded panties and a t-shirt before making her way out of the bedroom and towards the living room.

She is glad to find that everybody already has gone to bed, not being in the mood for social interaction in any way, shape or form. Quietly she pads her way towards the kitchen to pour herself a glass of deliciously cold water hoping it will help calm her inner turmoil.

Inner turmoil that had caused her to be sleepless while next to her, her girlfriend had slept on peacefully, softly snoring the night away.

Blissfully unaware.

They had had sex tonight.

Not that that was anything out of the ordinary, completely the opposite actually.

What was out of the ordinary though was what _kind _of sex they had had.

Callie had now been her girlfriend for a couple of weeks and they had certainly enjoyed sex but tonight was different.

Tonight had been rough.

Arizona had known that Callie had this rough side inside of her and she had expected it to come out sooner or later, hell she had _hoped _it would…

And she had certainly enjoyed it, enjoyed how Callie had overpowered her and had fucked her long, deep and hard. It had been utterly sexy, hot and… just amazing.

But now…

Not so much.

It _hurt._

And not the good kind of hurt like it had been during their encounter. No it actually _hurt, _hurt. The making tears spring into your eyes kind of hurt.

Hence the turmoil.

She wasn't sure if she should wake up her girlfriend. Normally when she had had one of her bad dreams she had awoken her without second guessing, enjoying the warmth and comfort Callie's touch had given her when helping her soothe away the remains off the dream.

This was different though.  
The dreams were easily shrugged off, played down by claiming it had just been random nightmares. But this, telling Callie _why _exactly she was hurting right now, was a completely different ball park.

Because telling her girlfriend _why _it hurt involved telling her about _him._

_HIM. _

She shivered slightly, the thought of it alone enough to chill her to the bone despite the currently high temperatures outside.

There had been a _him._

A him that Callie knew absolutely nothing about. A him that she wasn't prepared telling her about.

A him that she tried so hard to forget but somehow never could.

He had hurt her.

Hurt her in the way no woman should have ever been hurt.

He had violated her.

_Used _her.

Against her will, for his own sick pleasure.

God how she hated him.

Hated how he had managed to completely destroy her entire life within just few minutes (though it had seemed like hours then).

A few minutes.

On a dark Friday night, in the back of an even darker alley.

He had dragged her there, grabbing her from behind as she had passed the alley on her way towards the bus stop to make her way home after having had a few drinks with friends.

He had put his hand on her mouth, muffling her screams, and had twisted her arm behind her back as he dragged her further away from any signs of other people around.

And then, after finally having dragged her far enough for his liking he had turned her around roughly and had slapped her so hard in the face that she was sure she was going to pass out.

She didn't however.

She was conscious enough to hear the ripping of material fill her ear and the feel of cold air surround her upper body as the blouse she had been wearing was torn off.

Realising what was going to happen she had started to struggle, trying to get away from him and away from the things she _knew_ he wanted to do.

Her attempts were futile however as he was just too big and too strong for her. And with one more hard punch from one of his massive fists she was down and onto the ground. Whimpering slightly as blood now powered freely out of her nose.

He had then proceeded to, just as roughly, rip off her pants and, while she tried to get away with every last bit off strength she had left, he had penetrated her. Hard and rough.

And it had _hurt._

God it had hurt so much.

So much that all she could do was just sob, begging for him to stop. Too weak and overcome with shock to do more. So had just kept as still as possible, knowing it would hurt even more if she struggled.

So she had just lain there, feeling her muscles contract in agony every time he thrust into her, making her back slam into the ground beneath her, cutting it where it had been smashed against some sort of grid on the ground.

Lain there, till he had finally stopped.  
Stopped, gotten up and had left her there. All by herself.

Crying, bleeding and hurting all over, not knowing what to do.

Eventually she had been able to get up, pulling the remains of her clothes over her naked body, trying to find at least some semblance of dignity before stepping out of the alley and into the streets where people could see.

And true to her expectation it hadn't taken long for someone to finally spot her and rush to her aid. It had been an older woman who had approached her and had taken her home (which was just a few blocks away) and who had cleaned her up as far as possible.

The woman had been nice and gentle and she hadn't asked a lot of questions for which Arizona had been grateful.

What she had done however was tell Arizona to go to the police first thing in the morning and file a rapport against whomever had done this to her.

Arizona had agreed.

And so she had done. She went to the station the next morning and had told her story to one off the officers there. He too had been gentle like the woman from last night.

He too had been helpful

And he too had worn the same look when he had looked at her

A look of pity.

_Pity!_

Arizona had hated that look. It had made her feel like some kind of poor little person. Like some kind of fragile little thing that needed to be protected as if it could break and shatter into a thousand pieces any second.

The look only made everything worse.

So from that moment on Arizona had decided not to ever tell anyone about this. She hadn't wanted strangers to look at her like and she certainly wouldn't want her parents or friends to do so too.

So she had kept quiet.

Keeping everything to herself, only ever letting go when she was alone in her own bedroom, the door locked and safe from the outside world.  
Never, ever letting anyone notice.

And slowly, very slowly she had eventually gotten over it. She had stopped getting frightened every time someone came close, she had stopped being scared to go out and she had even overcome her fear of the dark.

And eventually all there had been left were fleeting dark memories, safely tucked away in the deep confines of her brain, and a few thin scars on her back where the grid had cut her.

She was doing ok

Yet here she was, standing barefooted in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, trying to get her breathing to return to normal.

God how she hated him.

Hated how he had managed to completely destroy her entire life within just few minutes and even continued to do so now, while being locked away in jail.

He was ruining her time with Callie. With _her _sweet, sexy, amazing Calliope.

He had hurt her so many years ago and because of that Callie had unknowingly hurt her during their passionate sexual outburst.

Letting out a shaky breath she desperately blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall.

He couldn't ruin Callie for her.

_She wouldn't let him. _

Grinding her teeth against each other, she tensed her jaw and determinedly put her glass down on the counter before making her way back towards the bedroom and crawling into the bed, despite the situation smiling a bit at Callie's sleep-drunken mumbling.

Her girlfriend really was amazing.

Amazing enough to not let some stupid asshole from the past ruin this for her.

Like she said: she wouldn't let him.

No, she would get over this, and would only be stronger.

Cause now

She had _her _Calliope to fight for

And she was so, so worth it…

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**So... thats it...  
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**I wrote this fairly quickly, in jsut a few hours and im not really happy about the result, but i just wanted to post something since its been too long.**

**Anyways: let me know what you guys think!**

**love,**

**GHF**


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